We Care So Much It's Hurting Us
I have come to love a good boundary. Saying no to something that is beyond my capacity fills me with delight. And as a recovering people pleaser, and committed change supporter, that love of boundaries was hard won. This may sound familiar to some of you, but my late-in-life love of boundaries came about through several rounds of burnout.
The realities of mission-driven organizations
Boundaries are hard for any organization, but many of those we work with have particular challenges in that area. For one, they are working in very challenging sectors such as poverty, climate, healthcare, housing – sectors that have less support and more need over time. And two, they care about the work so much.
This creates a constant pressure to take on more, provide more, serve more people, move the needle further and faster. With increased need and increased complexity, it creates a feeling of never being able to do enough, which makes it easy to end up doing too much.
One of the major impacts of this dilemma is high rates of burnout. While this is not exclusive to the nonprofit sector (we work with many mission driven private and public organizations that face the same challenges), there has been a ton of research into the impacts of burnout in the nonprofit sector. The YMCA’s 2024 WorkWell study on workplace wellbeing in Canadian nonprofits found that one in four nonprofit employees reported burnout “Often” or “Extremely Often”, and that went up to be one in three nonprofit leaders. If you include those reporting burnout “Sometimes”, that number was 58% of all employees and 71% of leaders. Of 13,000 people surveyed, one in five were considering leaving their role in the next five months, and 41% of those people named burnout as one of the top reasons.
So mission driven organizations have this very difficult dilemma. People feel like they need to do it all, because there is so much need, and they care so much, but then they are facing high burnout and losing people, which makes it impossible to do the work.
As much as we wish we could do it all, when we set boundaries (taking care of ourselves) we become better able to take care of the people and communities we are trying to serve.
But why is it so hard?
That is easier said than done, right? There are personal, interpersonal, organizational and external reasons that make it so hard to set – and then maintain – healthy organizational boundaries.
Lack of clarity leading to scope creep
Out of curiosity when I decided to write this blog, I did a LinkedIn poll asking people to pick the biggest barrier they face when they are trying to set organizational boundaries. While only 18 people responded (so definitely don’t use this as anything definitive), 10 out of 18 people picked “scope creep / lack of clarity” as their top reason. By “lack of clarity” we mean not having a strategic reason to point to when you want to set or hold a boundary, and by “scope creep” we mean an organizational lack of protection of strategic boundaries that were set.
Strategic clarity is more than just having a purpose, mission, and strategic objectives, it’s about knowing what they mean in practice – and where the limits are – in the day to day work. This is a perennial hot topic for my partner Joanne. She recently presented our framework on this to delegates of Leancon 2025. “When things are difficult, the dream of the ‘Quick Fix’, or the ‘Previously Undiscovered Solution’ becomes shiny and magnetic,” she suggested, to nods around the room. “It may happen internally, with leadership inspired by a popular new system advocated in a book or by a consultant. It may happen externally, with funders adopting a dissonant new priority.” These are natural and understandable responses, but also they need to be noticed and contained, to avoid diluting the organization’s impact and burning out its employees. Expect Joanne to write more on this – how to notice, how to contain – in a future post.
organizational processes and practices that lead to boundary crossing
But you can also use process, structures and practice to protect the boundaries you have set.
- What kinds of clear statements could you post in public places that clarify your policies around safer spaces, client/staff bill of rights, and the limits of what people can expect for service? It’s much easier to say no to something in the moment when there is something written and consistent that people can refer to.
- If there is a need for constant coverage – for example of a clinic or drop in centre – how can you make sure that there is enough coverage for people to be able to tag in a coworker if they need to take a break or deal with a personal issue?
- How could you develop standard practices of checking in on each other, especially in times of heightened stress, to make sure that everyone is doing what they need to take care of themselves?
internal factors like guilt, difficulty saying no, caring so much about the work
Let’s face it, people rarely go into purpose driven work because of the great pay or lush benefits. They go into it because of how much they want to make a difference. It is values based and deeply felt. And sometimes those values make us feel terrible about not being able to do more, especially in the face of crisis and increasing need.
This shows up in group dynamics as well. In most workplaces, not just purpose driven, there are people who go above and beyond, stay later, work harder, sacrifice the rest of their lives. And even for those who would like to work that way, some are simply not able to.
In any workplace, it’s hard for people to not feel like they need to live up to the same standards, out of fear of not getting the promotion or not being recognized as a team player. But it’s even harder when the work is seen as a calling, a mission, or a sign of virtue. It becomes not just about career advancement, but about our sense of self.
This is why it is so important for leaders to build understanding of how boundaries actually help the work, rather than hurting it. You can’t make change from a stress leave. And the huge societal and systemic gaps you are working to reduce will not actually be reduced at all by adding three more hours of work each night…think about it honestly. What’s more, people need to understand that it impacts everyone if they stay late to see one more client, or skip their breaks every day to get just that little bit more done. Staff need to feel supported and encouraged to respect their own limits, and it’s harder to do that when others on the team (and especially when it’s leadership) are not.
external factors that lead to boundary crossing
And then of course there are the reasons we cross our organizational boundaries that come from outside. Think about unrealistic funding expectations that come with heavy reporting or expect massive outcomes with no operational support. And we can’t forget that we are in a time of growing need with decreasing resources. When we have to work within resource scarcity it makes everything harder.
While we have less control over these external conditions, we can still make choices to push back, advocate, or shift direction that can minimize their impact.
Understand the impacts of crossing your boundaries
Because boundary crossing in mission-driven organizations so often comes at least partly from a place of values, even when there is a ton of organizational clarity, the internal factors like guilt and caring so much can make it hard to stick to limits. It’s not just about money or status. It’s about people and the planet’s wellbeing. It seems reasonable to do 120% when faced with overwhelming need, or when the outcomes of the work are so noble.
And there may be positive impacts of going above and beyond. We might feel a sense of pride, excitement or hope about what we can achieve if we push a bit harder. It might be a relief to feel like we are making a difference. There might be an exciting new project that feels like just the change we need to have the impact we are dreaming of.
But more often, when we cross organizational boundaries, it is not coming from a place of capacity and excitement to do more. It feels like pressure, urgency, and desperation. It is important to look clearly at the potential negative impacts. What is the risk of burnout for your team? How many people could go on leave before it would affect your ability to do your core work? What is the impact on team dynamics of people feeling pressured to live up to the standards of the most busy or the most sacrificing?
Expectations and culture are established through the everyday actions of people. What does it do to relationships and trust when some people are setting standards that other people can’t or don’t want to live up to? How might it negatively impact people with caregiver responsibilities, disabilities or chronic illness, or other limits to how much they can do? How might it go against your commitment to an equitable, diverse, and accessible workplace? Even if it feels manageable right now, what kinds of expectations might you be setting that will be hard to walk back from later?
The clearer you can get on the reasons you need to create clearer boundaries and the impacts of not doing so, the more resolve you will have and the better you will be able to bring other people along.
Make sure you understand what is driving the internal factors
Of course, all the suggestions in this blog post are general, and you will want to have a more specific understanding of what internal factors are driving the boundary crossing at your organization. Maybe people have relationships or are in community with people who are directly impacted by the problems you are trying to solve, and it feels very personal. Maybe people are working more to not fully feel the stress of their lives or the work. Possibly you have a culture that rewards people for doing more, or alternately, people might be bringing past experiences in workplaces where that was true and repeating old patterns.
Identifying the specific roots in your workplace is likely to require some challenging conversations. It might be necessary to describe behaviours and practices that have gone unnamed. You might find it helpful to describe the impact the boundary crossing is having. You will definitely want to ask some candid and curious questions. Some people might express relief to be having these conversations, and others might feel defensive or protective. The goal is to identify what changes might need to be made, and how you can best support people to come along with them. We generally find it is helpful to prepare in advance to make these conversations go well.
So now it’s time to take action
You might be thinking this all sounds great, but you need boundaries to make room to set the boundaries! One of the hardest things is finding the time when you are already stretched. Usually people don’t do this kind of work when they have lots of time on their hands, and that is exactly why it is so important to do it. So start by remembering why you felt it was important in the first place. Imagine what your work would be like if you weren’t overloaded all the time. Imagine how nice it would be to have a healthy, motivated, energized staff that feels optimistic about the work you are doing. Imagine how much lighter it would feel if you didn’t have to have constant conversations about what you do and don’t do, because everyone already knows. Crucially, once you have imagined this, make sure any needed structural supports are in place and understood and accounted for, regularly, to enable it. Healthy and clear boundaries can transform a workplace, and the sooner you find the time, the sooner you can lighten the load.
And if you read this blog and it has made you realize you need some help to find strategic clarity about what your limits should be, or support for the difficult conversations that may follow, reach out and we are happy to support you!