Building Caring Culture out of Conflict
A true (anonymized) story about a workplace that worked with Big Waves to improve how they dealt with conflict.
A hit to morale
A few years ago, a small company called Starpoint (not their real name) had a major workplace conflict that escalated to the point of someone being fired. For the people who were left, the whole thing felt horrible and confusing. “It didn’t feel good. It was bad for morale. We didn’t want to repeat that kind of escalation.” The team realized they had no shared language for difficult conversations, which was a barrier to effective collaboration. They decided as a team that they needed to approach it differently going forward: not avoiding difficult conversations, nor jumping straight to escalation, but instead building the structures, skills, and culture to work through it generatively. They reached out to Big Waves for help to collaboratively create a conflict policy, and to engage in a shared learning process for approaching conflict differently.
What we did together
We set out to build a shared language and process around how they dealt with conflict, and ultimately, to strengthen the sense of trust between coworkers. We went through two interrelated processes 1) facilitated collaborative planning to develop a conflict resolution and respectful workplace policy; and 2) conflict resolution training for the whole team. For the facilitated process, we started with templates, which we modified and updated to reflect Starpoint’s context, and then we met together to talk about any questions or concerns that arose. The topic for the facilitated process was “How do we want to work together, and what do we do when we have conflict?” We defined and clarified people’s values related to collaboration, support, and teamwork, and Big Waves offered supportive facilitation for any tricky topics that came up. “It was so helpful to have someone a bit removed to help us paraphrase and see where we weren’t saying the same thing.” Together, they described the culture they wanted and translated their ideals into practical tools.
People came out of the facilitated conversations and policy development feeling energized and committed, and also with a sense of clarity that the work was just beginning. The first step in the conflict resolution process that they had created was a direct conversation between people who were upset with each other. The team realized if that was going to happen, they all needed to have a shared understanding and greater skills for difficult conversations. So they decided to take our course, Generative Conflict: Leadership Skills for Healthy Workplaces, together as a team. They completed the course together, meeting after each module to discuss the learning and apply it to their work. In addition to specific conflict skills, the course gave them shared language and a foundation for ongoing dialogue about power, hierarchy, and culture. One person said, “Now we have common ground to rely on when emotions are high.”
Before Generative Conflict: Uneven Capacity & Avoidance
The team said before they did Generative Conflict, there was an “uneven” level of comfort with conflict. Some people had done extensive conflict skills development in community and grassroots work, while others had come from more corporate contexts that tended toward avoidance. They wanted to find ways to collaborate across these differences, but experienced residual hierarchy in what was supposed to be a horizontal culture. This contradiction led to confusion and conflict that was hard to talk about. They didn’t feel comfortable as a team engaging in direct or generative conversations. Avoidance or miscommunication sometimes led to escalation rather than repair.
During Generative Conflict: Learning a Shared Culture
People experienced the process of going through the course together as a signal of care and commitment. “We wanted to handle things differently.” By talking about the hypothetical examples in the course, they were able to find enough safety to explore real tensions they were dealing with. Through the course, they found the psychological safety to have conversations that might have felt too difficult or confusing otherwise. A busy workplace, it was hard to find the time to do the work together, but they just made sure it happened because they all knew it was important. “We all wanted more time, but we did it anyway because we knew it mattered.” The experience helped the team build generosity, understanding, and alignment.
After Generative Conflict: Rooted in Generosity and Understanding
The team has seen tangible changes and an ongoing evolution. The policy we created together is acting as a clear reference point when tensions arise. “It feels like we have an anchor.” They have also created new structures to support what they have learned. They formed a People & Culture Committee that is responsible for helping people to use the policy, and they have a new standing meeting item in their staff meetings that is a space for ongoing reflection about how collaboration is going. They are also doing regular check-ins and debriefs about workflow and projects.
People are starting to notice behavioural shifts. There is more familiarity with some of the early warning signs of conflict, and people have started naming things like gossip before it festers. They also express more generosity and patience with each other. “People are more open to working through messiness.”
Outcomes: What’s Different Now
The Starpoint team has an increased sense of confidence and clarity, and a cultural shift in how conflict is understood. They have shared frameworks for talking about conflict, and practical policy tools to help if things get hard. They have started to name gossip and avoidance, show each other more grace, and have more honest conversations about how power and hierarchy show up in their horizontal workplace. Maybe most importantly, they have started to understand conflict as part of growth, not a sign of failure.
What Did We Learn?
Starpoint is a lot like most of our clients, reporting that they find building a generative culture is a long-term, layered process. Updating policies and processes is essential, but without training and practice, it’s hard to bring those structural changes to life. And after training, people need time and support to grow into new skills and practices. We also found that external facilitation and the introduction of shared language helped people to talk about emotionally charged topics from more neutral ground, without getting pulled into the weeds. And finally, even when time is scarce, investing in conflict capacity builds resilience, care, and trust for the future.
Starpoint’s experience shows that learning to navigate conflict together isn’t just about avoiding harm, it’s about building the shared capacity to meet challenges with honesty, care, and courage. The Generative Conflict course helps teams build that capacity through structured learning, practice, and facilitation support tailored to their real context. Reach out if you would like to find out more.